When life gives you lemons,

You make lemonade.

It’s never a good feeling when someone close to you says “We need to talk” or “I need to talk to you”. A pit forms in the center of your belly and burns a hole. It’s reminiscent of the feeling you get when a boss comes by and says “Got a minute, why don’t you come to my office”.

So, when my nanny, and friend Lynn, of 5 years approached me about 3 weeks ago and said “I need to talk to you”, as that sinking feeling set in, I jokingly said, I hope you are not going to quit. She just stood there and kind of stared at me with an “I’m sorry”, cringing look and said, well…..

I was stunned. I knew Lynn would move on some day, I just didn’t think it would be for a couple of years. And you know, I can’t blame her. She is young, and has her whole life in front of her.

Since Lynn gave us her notice, I’ve experienced the whole range of emotions: shock, fear, sadness. It’s almost like a break-up or a divorce as for the past 5 years Lynn has come to our house almost every single day. I asked her a few times was it something we’d done, and asked her how long she had been unhappy, trying to figure it all out.

Lynn herself is saddened as well, but will move on to the next part of her life and will explore going to culinary school, at the school where I actually went, 12 years ago, The Cambridge School of Culinary Arts. I am excited for her.

I will also embark on the next part of my life.

We are not going to be getting another care giver. It is too complicated a time right now to do that, attributing it to behavior and schedules. Thus, I will segue into being a stay at home mom, sort of. I am scared out of my mind! I have never been a stay at home mom.

In the past I have thought that I wanted to stay at home, but the reality of it is, is, I liked being able to go to work, even if I hated the job I was doing. With this decision of not getting another caregiver, I knew I had to come up with something to do a) to keep my sanity b) to generate income c) to keep my sanity!

As most of you know (or maybe not), I am passionate about cooking and baking. Therefore, I have made the decision to finally use the culinary schooling I received many years ago, and become a Personal Chef. I will be taking a course from the Culinary Business Academy, in conjunction with the US Personal Chef Association to develop myself into a business for hire (get your minds out of the gutter!)

There are many spins I can put on marketing myself: full fat cooking, low fat cooking (I did just drop 22 lbs), homemade baby food, baked goods, personal shopping, organic and whole grain options.

So, my fear cycles into excitement and back to fear again. Will I be able to do it? At times, I get a glimmer of hope that passes across my eyes, and I think yes, and everything will be alright. At other times, I think not, and that I don’t have the capability to do it.

A friend of mine sent me some words of encouragement, a saying that she had hanging in her cube that was instrumental in jumpstarting her move to a new life:

Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one's courage.

Very appropriate for me these days.

In any case, as I try to figure it all out (like coming up with a name, logo, website etc), I’m trying to remain calm and with a clear vision. I will keep you posted.