Standard Operating Procedure

I am an ANAL QA professional, and I generally like to play by the rules. That's why it frigging pisses me off when some drivers feel compelled to make up their own driving rules. I'm talking about the people who blatantly disregard the rules put in place to make the flow of traffic smooth, so that they can get to their destination quicker.

I have the following 3 examples occur in succession, on my drive home from work:

There is a stop light, where the left lane must turn left, and the right lane must turn right..... some people feel that they can just drive up to the right lane, and THEN put on their left blinker. You know they know that the rule is left turn must turn left, right turn must turn right. It PISSES me off. Now not only is the right lane blocked, so that the people who want to turn right cannot go, but you and all the other poor saps obeying the traffic laws have to wait for this bo-bo to turn, thus holding up the left turn lane when the light eventually turns green.
Scondly, there is a section of the roadway where there road bears and there is a stop sign in the left lane for the bear to the left, and the right lane has no stop sign, but just continues straight. I can't stand it when you stop at the stop sign, only to be passed by some jackass, from the right lane, who not only fails to stop at the stop sign, but then who you almost end up hitting, because you can not see him on your right, as you start to go from the stop sign.
Lastly, there's another fork in the road where when in the left lane, you must bear left. I actually got a ticket once, for doing what I was supposed to do, and that is bear right in the right lane. This woman chose to bear right from the left lane and cut me off, so that I was practically touching her car. A police man saw this and pulled me over for TAILGAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was awful. The other woman clearly was at fault, and I got the shit end of the stick.

I'm not saying that I never break the rules, however, I do have respect for the rules put in place that govern the road. Most rules were put in place to regulate the safety of that roadway. Yeah, it sucks when you get to the left turn lane, and you're the 9th car or so at the red light, and you know that you're probably not making the next light cycle. So, yeah, you just gotta suck it up and get in line. You know the people that are blowing by the other cars know full well that they are supposed to wait in the left lane with the rest of us. There's no playing the ignorance card here. But what am I to do? Just turn up the radio, I guess. My Sirius keeps me (somewhat) sane.

Meow

Just when I thought I had all of my cat accessories taken care of, I learn about this: catprin, a tailor for cats. My poor cat Mario is apparently not en vogue.
I could dress him in the "Gentleman's Package:
The least that handsome boy needs. A black shirt with a red tie. Essential anywhere and anytime, office(!?) and party. Perhaps for nice girl too. Easy attachment and detachment with velcro" and I'm sure he'd be as psyched about it as this cat is.

Just in time for easter, we've got the "Rabbit Hat and Rabbit Shawl, Any cat can be a rabbit:
Wanna be a rabbit? This package was introduced due to many requests from our costume fans. The hat, made of soft boa cloth, and the lining with a flower pattern, are all cute. All ornaments are velcro and can be attached or detached easily".

For your co-ed cat, catprin offers the "High-school girl's package: Welcome to the Saint CatPrin College! Anyone who dress in this uniform is certainly a student of Saint CatPrin College. Now you look so smart! Easy attachment and detachment with velcro", and it comes complete with Admissions Certificate!

My question is how'd they get the cats to actually sit still for the pictures. My cat Mario will have nothing to do with ANY maneuvering whatsoever, let alone dressing him up in some costume designed to make him the laughing cat of the neighborhood.
Reminds me of these cat stickers I had when I was a kid. They were mini sized, like 1/2 inch rectangles, and featured kittens dressed up as humans, like the farmer cat, in overalls and a tractor or a biker cat in leather standing next to a motercycle. I loved those stickers. At the time, we had a couple of cats running around the house, and I remember wanting to dress them up like humans as well. I'm sure, for their sake, I'm glad I never did!!!

A huge step back for Women's rights

South Dakota has passed a bill making abortion illegal in the state; basically, it is a felony for a doctor to perform an abortion in the state of South Dakota. They can be fined $5000 and go to jail for 5 years. This is a huge step back for women's rights. Will this set precedence? Yes, of course it will.
The senator who "owns" the bill, Senator Juile Bartling is a DEMOCRAT!?! A DEMOCRAT!?! She was quoted as saying the following: "It is the time for the South Dakota Legislature to deal with this issue and protect the lives and rights of unborn children" I love that, "unborn children". This SICKENS me. Is an 8 week old fetus a child?!?! Lets birth an 8 week fetus and see how well it does.

People are now saying they will not visit the state and it's most prestigous landmark, Mt Rushmore in opposition to the law. This is an interesting stand to take. . The forefathers of the US, hang out looking over the land, symbolizing free living and rights for all. It is the ultimate irony. The state of South Dakota is giving rights to a fetus that cannot survive without a host, and taking the rights away from the very host that can house that fetus. I just don't get it.

Deal or no Deal!

Deal or No Deal? I say Deal. This show is hysterical. Haven't watched yet? It's a show about beating the odds, and potentially winning some cash. The host is Howie Mandel, who, I think, does a good job. But what is up with his hair, or lack there of? He used to have the greatest head of hair! What happened???? Now all he has is a little tuft of hair under his lip. Now, what's that all about?
Anyways....There are 27 models, each holding a pelican case with a hidden dollar amount in it ranging from $0.01 up to $1,000,000. The contestant gets to pick a pelican case as his/her own and then picks random cases, trying to eliminate the low dollar values and avoid the high dollar values. Obviously, the chances that you have the million dollar amount in your case increases with each low value you knock out. There is a banker who calls down and offers the contestant a certain amount of money to buy back his/her case as the game goes on. The offer goes up and down based on what dollar values are still out in play.
The audience participation is what makes the show. Of course, each time the banker calls with an offer, Mandel offers up to the contestant "Deal or No Deal?". He lifts up a little plastic case with a blinking button under it, and if the contestant takes the deal, he/she is supposed to puch the button. That's the cue for the audience to start screaming "No DEAL, No DEAL", getting all animated etc. The contestant is allowed to have some people with him that he/she can get advice from, and you know they ALWAYS say NO DEAL!
My husband and I were wondering how Mandel remembers all of the model's names. He will say something like, Ok, you've picked case 12, Jill, go ahead and open the case....
I think we determined that they always hold the same case number. What that has to do with anything, I don't know, we just kind of figured that out. The models try to play into the game by each opening her case a crack, looking at it, wincing like its the million, then getting all happy when they reveal that it's really $50!
Last night they had a guy on who happened to be the mayor of a town in Georgia. They had a live feed to his constituents in GA, and each time the banker offered him some cash, they went to the voters to ask what he should do. At one point, he was offered $199,000, and the mayor asked what appeared to be a 10 yr old girl what he should do. Of course, she's 10 years old. She has no clue that $199,000 is alot of money and says No Deal. On the mayor's next pick, he picks the pelican case with the $1,000,000, (but leaving the $500,000 value out to still be picked). The Banker then offers only $85,000. Imagine how the Mayor's wife must of felt???
And of course, Mandel got all into it, putting his head in his hands, walking away, saying I can't stand when something like this happens, and sitting down away from the Mayor, leaving him to wonder what the offer was. It's inevitable that Mandel will make it a cliff hanger by saying something like, We'll find out what the Banker offered, (long pause), after the break, (cut to commercial as the crowd goes OHHH collectively).....
Well, in the end, the Mayor did beat some of the odds and drove the earnings back up to $202,000. Not bad, considering he said his annual take home as Mayor was only 13K. He did say that he way playing for his town, because it is the town's 150th anniversary (or something like that), and that they'd be having celebrations etc to pay for. During the show, though, the Mayor's wife mentioned something about paying for a new bathroom. Mandel called her out on it, saying, Mayor, I thought you were playing for your town....how much of the $202,000 would you donate to your town if you were Mayor and made $13,000/annum???
So, I'll leave it up to the rest of America to go on Deal or no Deal. Knowing my luck, I'd get up there and the first 6 cases to pick would be the top dollars, for sure....making my offer something like $0.50. I wouldn't be able to stand the humiliation.....take it away, Mayor of GA!

Pooper Scooper

In response to my bathroom blog (read here: poop), someone who will remain anonymous sent me an email with a recent bathroom experience. Here it is:

So here I am in my new office and trying to carve out my own daily routine, such as where to stop on the way to pick up some cheap-o breakfast to bring in, and what happens? It's time to take the first dump. Trouble is, my office is near the back and there is no view of the Men's Room. Which raises the problem of it being occupied --- but I don't know it. Thus every time I want to go I have to circle the office and walk by the receptionist's desk. Circle about five times, it seems, because the same terrorist is still in there. Now the receptionist knows what my schedule is, and she just knocked on my door to tell me it is now free, as if walking into a toilet in which some guy just spent twenty minutes memorizing his asshole is free. So be it. Nature calls, as my mother used to say, although I think I used to have an unlisted number. More on this later.

See, everyone's got a story. Feel free to email me yours.....

There is a TIRE god!

Well, the tire god was looking down on me today! I get to the Subaru dealer fully expecting to $300 for a new tire. The service man indicated that it was time for my 7500 mile service, and I was like, not after paying $300 for a new tire it's not!!!! I did however, indicate that I wanted an oil change as well, which is essentially the same thing as doing the 7500 mile service anyways....
I went to the waiting room to settle in. An hour later the service guy comes up and says, good news! We found a piece of glass in the tire which we removed, and so we are trying to fix the tire. CHA-CHING! So, I told him to go ahead and do the 7500 mile service since I wasn't paying $300 for the new tire. I got out of there for $99!!!!
Whew-hew! There is a Tire God! :)

A good example of why politicians SUCK

Enough said. Back to your regularly scheduled blog reading....

All tires are not created equal

I love coming out on a Monday morning to find a flat tire. You know it's going to be a GREAT week when that happens.

I drive the B9 Tribeca, by Subaru. I love the car. It is nothing short of luxurious and I am shocked each morning when I get in and there is no hot coffee waiting for me. I mean, it is loaded, leather seats, DVD player, GPS, 6-CD player that plays mp3s....love it. It handles awesome in the snow as well - All wheel drive. Before we got the Tribeca, I drove the Subaru Outback limited wagon, which I also loved, but it didn't handle well in the snow, which I was shocked about.

Anyways, the Tribeca has a "low tire pressure" icon that seems to come on, ALOT. It seemed to me that it was temperature dependent - when the temp dropped, the icon popped up. After a few days with riding around with the warning, I put air in the tires, and guess what? That's right, the low pressure icon stayed on. however, it did turn off once the temp warmed up.
So, this time, when the icon came on, I payed no attention to it. And, yup, it bit me in the ass, as yesterday, I came out to a flat. After waiting close to an hour and a half for AAA to come and put the lame Half-spare on my car, I headed into work.
I stopped at National Tire&Battery Warehouse on my way in, to try and get the tire fixed. Of course, they didn't carry the tire I need. The guy did tell my that the tire was $211!!!! If they ordered the tire, it wouldn't come in for a week, so I passed, because I can't drive around on the donut for that long.

When I got to work, I called the Subaru dealer where I got the car. They didn't have the tire either, but could get it in a day, versus a week. However, they said the cost of the tire was $300!!!!! WHAT????? $300????? for a tire????
My hands are tied. For 300 frigging dollars, I fully expect the tire to make me coffee in the morning for crying out loud.

On a more positive note, the silver lining to having a flat on a Monday morning is getting to work to get your year end bonus. THat lessens the blow of a $300 tire, for sure.